Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
