just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
