I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
