fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
