Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
