I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
