I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
