If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
