So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
