how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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