I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
