so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
