Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
did you just send me my own nude
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
