You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
