Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
