I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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