She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
