Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
