Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
