You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
