I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
