I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
