never play flip cup with pint glasses
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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