Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
