Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
