drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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