ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
