I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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