you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I AM VODKA MAN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
