I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
