and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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