nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
