Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
