Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
