I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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