mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
