When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
