man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
