why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
