I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
