Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
