suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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