i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
