I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
