some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
