dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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