is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
