well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You can't motorboat a personality
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's the barista slut.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
