i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
