you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
