Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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