The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
