You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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