he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
