Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
