Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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