he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
