So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
