I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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