I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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