Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
