well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
