yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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