I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
