OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
