my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
